Goodbye

I remember sitting here 161 days ago thinking to myself "what am I doing?". Those words were stuck in my head as I realized what was ahead of me. When thinking to myself, the word which was most used was 'survive', I had to survive this but how?
I refused to listen to anyone who told me it will be a great experience, I'm going to have so much fun, I'll learn so much and so on. Seriously, what were they thinking? How am I going to have fun when all my friends back home are doing things without me and I am stuck here with no friends and all I am going to want to do is go home.  I always new i had to do this exchange and I was completely against it. Why would my parents put me through torture just to get a different experience, I rather stay at home. "You,re going to thank me after this" said my Mum has I went through the departure gates.
I know I have written all negative thoughts above but no positive thoughts crossed my mind when I thought about the exchange. It may because I am a negative person but I always try and stay opened minded however, it just didn't work.
The first night here was the hardest, tears came to my eyes as I thought about the road ahead and I just didn't want to believe where I was.
As the days carried on I still thought the whole idea of it all was stupid. I had so much on my hands and couldn't think straight. The days turned into weeks and there were a couple of days where I started enjoyed myself, but not enough. I could feel everything getting better as I made more friends and tried to be myself and get out more. Everyone would be talking about their plans for the weekend and where they were going to meet up. I couldn't do anything about it, I had to remember that not only were they new to me, I was new to them. I struggled to find my feet at school and nothing got any better until the last two months month.
Not only  did I have to think about what was happening in my life, I had to keep up to date with what was happening back home. But was that really necessary? No, it was a complete waste of time. Not only was I moving on, they were too. Now that I think about it, I am happy so many people moved on with life and left me behind. Of course it's a sad feeling but it is probably for the best, if we can't hold on to our friendship while we're living different lives then it isn't strong enough keeping.
The months moved on faster than I thought and I stopped counting down the days until the 13th of July. Now it is the the night before the 13th and I honestly feel the same way I felt when I got here but about Australia this time.
It's not going to be easy, it's like I left a life behind for the better and had to move on. I  moved on and made a better life but now I have to leave it and go back to the one I left before.  It's all a bit complicated but how boring would life be if it wasn't?
You may be reading this thinking that I regret a lot of moves I made but I don't regret anything I have done because I have learnt so much and I couldn't be more happy with the choices I made and the outcome . People say "you didn't even want to go at first". No of course I didn't and I am glad I thought that because it feels like I have achieved something now. I proved everyone wrong and even better, I proved myself wrong. I honestly haven't achieved something bigger than this and its one of the best feelings to have.

This is the last post I am going to be publishing from Germany,but not my last post forever. If I leave it at this its like an unfinished book.